Thursday, October 16, 2008

Principle Number Four

Yes, it’s that time again. Time for me to share with you another of my principles—the list is virtually unending. For those of you who follow my blog at all or have any common sense, this one oughta be a no-brainer. It’s principle number four: Never Take Advice From Fav-ruh. I mean, it’s like taking advice from Eric Cartman.

But clearly, Tony Romo neither follows my blog nor has common sense.

The latest, in case you weren’t aware, is that Romo got a broken pinkie. Fav-ruh, being the good Samaritan/busybody that he is, decided to give Romo a call and offer him some unsolicited advice. His counsel? Play through the pain. Whatever he said must have struck a chord because Romo took the field at practice today to test the waters and now claims to want to play on Sunday, despite initial reports that he would be out for four weeks.

I’m no, uh, hand doctor, but isn’t the pinkie finger kind of critically important to quarterbacking? And, furthermore, if you break a bone, isn’t the best way to exacerbate the break by further impact to the site of the break by a flying object—an object like, say, a football?

Maybe I’m wrong, though. Like I said, I’m no hand doctor.

Leaving all this aside, however, the fact that Farvil encouraged Romo to play should be reason enough for him to sit. Brett Fav-ruh calls me with advice, I’m thinking that it’s like a George Costanza thing where you just do the opposite. Farvie says jump, you say, “Meh, I’d rather take an escalator up.”

But apparently Romo doesn’t have the dignity not to follow the cool kid, stupid though he may be. So, what gives Romo? I mean, I get that Fav-ruh played through the pain of a fracture once so as not to break a consecutive game streak, but everyone with your team is telling you that the pinkie is different. Why not listen to their collective wisdom? To the wisdom of people whose names sound like they’re spelled? I mean, if Brett Fav-ruh jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you?

Anyway, I’d watch your back Marion Barber—or your locker. Given the spell Farvil seems to have cast on Romo, I wouldn’t be surprised if he started leaving turkey guts in people's lockers in the not-so-distant future. Or making important decisions and then changing his mind about them a couple of months later and throwing everyone’s life into a state of disarray.

As for the baseball, what can I say? Dodgers fans are going to be feeling more than just Dodger blue this week. My sincerest sympathies. I guess for now, all that remains is to hope for Chowda humiliation. Why, some of you ask, root against the Chowdas and not the Devils? Because they’re Boston, and that’s what I do. They’re the Vader to my Skywalker, the Tom to my Jerry, the Pinkberry to my Tasti D-Lite.

Oh, right, and because you suck Coco Crisp.

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