Monday, October 6, 2008

Sorry, Dodgers Fans; It Was Only In Your Dreams

There's been a lot of discussion lately about whether or not I suck. I figured that, while that one was still left unresolved, I would give you a break from me and share with you the thoughts of someone who DEFINITELY doesn't suck. Chris Yamaoka. Enjoy his musings. I know I do:

I woke up smiling on Sunday. The night before, I'd watched my beloved Dodgers storm past the NL-best Chicago Cubs to secure an improbable berth in the NLCS. It was great. They'd played wonderfully. Our starters went deep; our bullpen was solid; our hitting was timely and consistent. And great memories, too, already: James Loney silencing the Wrigley crowd with a 5th inning grand slam, Larry Bowa leaping into the air as Manny Ramirez slid home to score from first, Big Jon Broxton pumping his fist after striking out Alfonso Soriano to end Game 3. What a series!

What a dream, it turns out. I was disappointed to learn, after watching Sportscenter and scouring the internet for some post-series coverage, that the Cubs had been defeated -- not by the Dodgers -- but by some 100 year-old Curse. I was heartbroken. I really couldn't believe it, so I looked into it some more. This Curse, it appears, involves a black cat, an indie-looking kid in headphones, and a farm animal of some sort. I know, it sounds weird, like J.K. Rowling is ghostwriting the postseason now. I didn't believe it at first either, but it's true. I mean, it must be, or else someone would have written something about the Dodgers, right?

To be honest with you, this whole thing has me a little worried. I'm actually thinking about scheduling a doctor's appointment. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Last week I also hallucinated an entire vice presidential debate. I imagined the whole thing, and even conjured up a name for one of the participants: "Joe Biden." Ridiculous, I know, and I'm almost embarrassed to admit it. This guy's answers were thoughtful and substantive, so I should've known something was up. The next day, of course, I learned that there is no such person as "Joe Biden," and in fact Republican nominee Sarah Palin had defeated Expectations, in a stunning upset. Despite being heavily favored, Expectations were no match for Governor Palin's winking, smiling, and overall mavericky maverickness.

Hopefully, I'll be able to find a cure for what ails me. In the meantime, I should probably stop trusting my eyes so much. Clearly, I've been misperceiving reality lately. I'm just thankful I have the media to set me straight, otherwise I'd just go on thinking these foolish thoughts.

It's nice to dream, though.


ntyhurst said...

I was thinking the same thing after watching game 2 of the Dodgers-Cubs series. Throughout the entire game it was as if the rock solid baseball played by my Dodgers was entirely irrelevant. I had to go check it out in person and after having been at game 3 I can tell you the it was no curse that sent the Cubs packing back to Chicago, it was an incredible baseball team from Los Angeles with Joe Torre leading them to the World Series.

Robert said...

Maybe believing in God was a mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun. Maybe there's some sort of animal that we can make a sacrifice to. Like a giant buffalo. Or some sort of monster... something with the body of a walrus with the head of a sea lion, or something with the body of an egret. With the head of a meer cat. Or just the head of a monkey with the antlers of a reindeer. With a body of.... a porcupine.